Inner division and uncertain future

You could said I´m not that kind of person,you could believe you can trust me,but I wish I could trust myself,but in fact I´m a big dissapointment after another,if i could hold on to everything i believe i think i would happier,but my demands,my constant need of attention and my insatiable need of perfection that make me desire more than a normal person makes me fail.I should say that i am divide,between want i want and what i have to do.Often i fell driven to commit strange acts betrayal,to see how far can i go,i can go far...
im shit,i know